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Luke Williams
Luke Williams

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If What's New was decided over seven furlongs, though, Creative Assembly would probably win through sheer strength of numbers (and by virtue of theirs' being the only game to feature horses), clogging the track up with mounted riders stretching as far as the eye can see. Rome: Total War's appearance this week is bound to stimulate the PC charts, and it seems that the UK-based developer has hit upon the right formula again, delivering the kind of Roman death orgy that we haven't seen since Russell Crowe chucked on a metal skirt and had his battered shoulder stuffed with maize. (Which also sounds like something you could order in a Scottish chip shop.)

There isn't much choice on the Game Boy Advance, mind, unless Action Man Robot Atak or Titeuf: The Tcho Attitude make a strong impression on you. Or are remotely identifiable to you. But then you probably own other bits of kit besides the Game Boy, so you could always plump for one of the fighters out this week (the hiphop-flavoured Def Jam: Fight For New York, Ubisoft's Rocky Legends, or the transcendent, budget-priced PS2 version of Viewtiful Joe, which is the clear choice for fans of, well, games), or you could go for something slightly more 'obscure' (hur), like (drumroll please)... Psi-Ops: The Mindgate Conspiracy! (Or Obscure.) It seems like we reviewed Psi-Ops ages ago, but it's finally out today, and rather like Second Sight it's a big long out-of-body Jedi mind trick, albeit a rather craply presented one (although arguably the better action game than SS despite having a forgettable storyline). Obscure, meanwhile, is an American teen slasher-inspired survival horror game made by Frenchmen. Which wouldn't be the first time this year the French have horrified Americans.

Finally, there's Star Ocean: Till the End of Time, which is the new Euro-friendly Square Enix's first significant release, and, we're told, features a trailer for Final Fantasy XII. Expect a review of that very soon, and in the meantime I tracked down Rob, who's been playing it. When asked if he could give you all a humorous, one-line summary of Star Ocean, he said, simply, "No." When beaten with his own entrails, he added: "A blue haired teenage hero (with Issues) saves the universe (stop us if you've heard this one before) in a solidly built RPG with some genius bits. The best one being the fact that we lowly Europeans are being blessed with it only weeks after our American pals. Will wonders never cease? And can I have my lung back now?"

The first would have been unthinkable two decades ago: a PG-13 niche. PG-13 for a horror movie? It makes sense from a marketing standpoint - find a way to get all those pre-teens and teenagers into theaters - but not from a creative standpoint. How can anyone justify watering down a horror movie and still having anything worthwhile left over? It's also worth noting that a lot of these PG-13 efforts are re-makes of Asian horror movies, thereby making a statement about Hollywood's ongoing artistic bankruptcy.

The second is an orgy of sadism and self-referential mockery. We have Scream (a good film in its own right) to thank for the second part of the equation. No longer is it acceptable just to pour on the gore and violence. Now, there has to be a comedic side to things. As for the other part... there has always been an element of sadism in slasher movies, but there used to be something to offset it: a sense of horror (hence, the genre name) about what's happening. In Halloween, the viewer's sympathies are with Laurie Strode, and every killing raises the level of terror. In recent horror movies, with cardboard characters not even the most sensitive movie-goer could care about, the point is the killings. This is sadistic voyeurism. This is what nearly every horror movie is about that isn't a teen-friendly remake of an Asian ghost story.

What elements are necessary for a good horror film? Fans can argue about this for days and nights, but I think there are four:(1) An adult sensibility. This doesn't mean there has to be a lot blood and gore, although such things are allowed. It means the movie must be made for an audience mature enough to absorb what's happening. Mass murders, even in movies, should not be laughed off.(2) Building tension. If you don't think this is necessary to a successful horror movie, re-watch Halloween and pay careful attention to the scene late in the movie when Laurie is trying to get into the house as Michale unhurriedly approaches her from across the street. (3) Atmosphere. This has to be carefully developed so it suffuses everything. A horror film without atmosphere is like a love story without romance or a film noir done in garish hues. (4) A sympathetic lead character. Without her or (less frequently) him, who really cares? The murders become an excerise in creative butchery and an opportunity for the special effects department to show off. Consider the Nightmare on Elm Street series. In the first movie, our heroine was played by Heather Langenkamp, and we wanted her to live. In the second movie, the film's focus shifted to Freddy. He became the lead character. Does anyone (other than Nightmare fans) remember the supposed "hero" of this sequel? That's one reason (among others) why the original Nightmare is a classic and its follow-up is pretty much forgotten in mainstream circles. 041b061a72

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